hello moon.

Performance anxiety: 14 December 2003, 5:32 am.

I have a half-drunk feeling in the edges of my skull and down forgotten pathways creeping to my extremities. the lack-of-sleep-i-dug-my-own-grave half-drunk-on-(by which I mean because of)-life. And my stomach follows me and I ask is it really 5:30 so soon? I've preferred other mornings to these, but even so there is something beautiful in a snowdusted morning met with bleary eyes and raw hands. Waiting. Always waiting, but more paitently now. Expectation gives way to doing and the momentum picks you up eventually. The riptide tugging sometimes gently at your anklesthighs. Sometimes insistently grasping, begging. The third to last day in drawing this semester our model was a young man with a very beautiful body and I could not for the life of me draw him. ::A lack of concentration. Sometimes it happens the other way around. and when I am supposed to be enjoying an attractive body I get distracted by the beauty of it and all I want is to know it better. To draw it until my hands know the contours without ever touching. Ingrain that body into my fine muscle control. Practise it until I know it by heart, can play it in recital. I'm very glad to find out that along with TJ's extreme laid-back-ness, that he can be very non-judgemental. Or at least has chosen to afford me that honor.

dairyland:: <::> :archivy ::GB:etc fortune cooky - 21 September 2005 dinner discourse - 20 August 2005 Me and Teddy G. - 09 August 2005 miao? - 09 August 2005 a march of pub - 06 August 2005