i did synchronized swimming for approximately four or five years between elementary and middle school. flipping through my town's recreation and arts programs catalogue one year, we found them: The Seasprites. perfect for me, the young fish who was terrified of the idea of competetive racing.

on the team was one of my friends, Lilly. Lilly was beautiful (in a very small and mousey sort of way). Lilly had hair that had never been cut. Lilly played the cello beautifully. Lilly was a math prodigy (taking university courses by 5th grade, or was it 6th?). Lilly was a writer and a reader and yes, Lilly was good at synchro as well. Lilly introduced me to The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.Lilly was strange, lacking in social skills, interested in interesting things, patient and a good friend.

Lilly was also very small and skinny and had poor circulation. At meets we would run around wet in bathing suits with knox gelatin in our hair and sequins sewn over our barely pubescent breasts.

We were on show.

Lilly was cold.

Her skin would turn purplish white with small geometric patterns outlined in deeper red. Her lips would literally go to blue, and her fingers and toes would lose all color, turning to waxy yellow sticks on her small purple hands. her cello hands.

Here i am, 11 year old me, sitting on deck, waiting for our routine. I'm rubbing the blood back into Lilly's hands and i tell her over and over: Don't forget to breathe. Don't forget to breathe.