today is windy and it is raining again. this is a much more decisive rain. it knows where the ground is and it's heard of gravity. it knows what it must do.

i have work today. phil asked if i wanted to do some work today, helping move the servers, and i said sure. i was telling people last night, "i have to work tomorrow". and they were very much in the "yeah. so?" camp. they didn't understand. and you probably don't understand: i've never worked on weekends. oh, except the bakery. that was like 2 months, though. okay, that rather injures my argument. but in the past three years, i have never had a job that i had to work on the weekends. so anyway its very strange to get up on a saturday and go to work.

i burned a couple of ceedeez last night, and i sort of had the intention to make some mixtapes, but i was so uninspired. i will have to think about this. this is going to be difficult.

ih.

i'm crushing pretty bad on some people. i don't think i want to have this sort of crush. i don't want to actually worry about anything, which i haven't started to do yet. but the more 'real' the crush becomes the less fun it is.

i want people to pay attention to me. i want to get hugs from people. i want people to offer me shoulder rubs. i think more people should have crushes on me. or i think i should know about them. i don't want to just be the weird girl who sits quietly in the corner. i don't want to be the basketcase(okay, i admit it, i watched the breakfast club with some people the other day). i'm so starved of affection. i want affection. i want to be less frigid offering my affection to others.

so i guess its gonna be a day like this for now.

funk is such a perfectly descriptive word.

i'm in the sort of funk where i want to go buy things. i'm such a product of our consumer culture.