My heart is cold and I am generally frightened of the world. The main question is: What comes next. This is where fear comes from, from a cold heart. I will knit my heart a muffler with snowflakes and perhaps it will calm down.

Things are happening so quickly now that I am back. I saw my only two EL friends on the very first day I was back in town. I got home from the airport and told some stories and handed around presents and such, and then I didn't know what to do with myself, so I went for a run (after going out to Playmaker's with my Dad to buy a pair of special fancy anti-blister running socks. I missed my Daddy while I was gone). When I got back, panting pathetically after a mear 2miles, Joe was pulling into the driveway.

It was good to see Joe. and then Sara called and brought over her new dog. It was good to see Sara.

But disorienting all of it.

Went back to Ann Arbor on Friday and liked what I saw, but it was mockingly established, which is only to be expected. Life went on without me. I say this not out of surprise, just a slight twinge of frustration. It was really good see the crew again, but it was all very twilight zone.

Or more accurately, I'm all very twilight zone. I can't deal with the expectation. People are looking for change and stories. Let them grasp on the fact that I cut off "my foot" and leave it at that. The action was not only symbolic but necessary. The rest will come with time. I can show pictures of an 80r piece of corn, and that's about the best I can manage right now.

The most refreshingly normal experience was chilling with Isaac. He gave me a ride home from Ann Arbor on Saturday, and then we went out after dinner with the fams and sat in an EL coffee shop and then in Denny's, trying to figure out how to read the Slavic Rune (= Russian/Slavic version of Tarot cards) that I brought back for him.

Life is for now a question of getting back to Ann Arbor, and getting this version of my life under way again.

She left questions in the air. Answers must be found. They weigh eagerly on her mind.