I have this dense knot of bile caught in my chest just below my sternum. It's been collecting there for a very long time and I'm frightened of the damage that the shrapnel will do if it gets hit. It already has very sharp edges.

I just want everything to be big and then I want to shut off. It can be a big disaster, that's okay. Just get it over with.

Now I need to go find someone to read what I've got written on the paper so far and give me some direction and encouragement to get it done.

I also need to find someone to lend me a car to go to the pet store tomorrow morning and get crickets for Charlie. And a new timer. And possibly stuff for the progressive.

I was so excited about the progressive and now I'm feeling like I'm not even sure I can do it. But no matter what I have to clean.