i want someone to find my smile.

there's something i discovered while i was still in highschool, something that i suspect a very sad few people ever figure out in their lifetime, in their relationships with people: It's OK to be attracted to people. there's nothing wrong with being attracted to multiple people. and it's OK to be attracted to someone without Doing anything about it.

it also made things extremely difficult in the end. confusing.

i felt good and beautiful today. i was going to write an entry while i was at class that was about how wonderful i felt today. how i'm glad to be me; i'm a pretty damn good person to be.

now i feel a little less convinction. i'm tireder. i'm mellower. but i move away from the extremes so quickly. i can't remember the feel of that bounce in my step at the end of the day, but I can remember the back flips and the swinging and the falling and falling. These i can feel in my blood in my spine. they leave an imprint. but not the spring in my step. not my smile looking up at the snow.

anyway. i'm tired now. its late at night and i have work bright and early and errands to run and etc.